Catching Up

Take it easy, take it easy! No, I did not stop blogging all of a sudden. I am still a blogger, it'll take longer than two weeks before I stop again.

I was just over at David's the whole weekend having a blast.

But I'm not gonna post another thing about how much I love him. One needs to keep your blog interesting and refreshing.

So I'm going to write about Adam.

He's singing some kind of crap song (he tells me it's queens of the stone age - fear of something something) and hitting me. Not hitting on me, because that would be totally gross and I would ..

"It would be totally gay to hit on some one like you" he tells me. Aren't he the sweet one?

Anyway, back to my story. It would be totally gross and I would end up in a ditch covered in petrol on fire. (quote: Eddie Izzard)

Oh, I promised Adam I was gonna write the correct title of the song he was singing. But now he left. And now he's gonna hit me.

Although, that would make him gay.

But come to think of it, he already is gay. <3

Light Up

I'll sing it one last time for you

Then we really have to go

You've been the only thing that's right

In all I've done

People might question me when I say I'm in love. And I might be wrong, but I know I've never felt like this for anyone. Scientists have tried to define love for a long time and they've realized we have a map of qualities in our mind. And these qualities come from people we've met during our lifetime.

And I can barely look at you

But every single time I do

I know we'll make it any where

Away from here

One of these qualities in my map is bird with a broken wing, as my aunt put it. Another one is funny. Another one is understanding. And one is nice. And one is emotional. And one is ...

I have some high expectations. But I want to focus on the first quality. Bird with a broken wing. Someone who wants me. Someone who has a flaw and just needs acceptance. I have a need to be needed. Someone to go with me, any where away from here.

Light up, light up

As if you have a choice

Even if you can not hear my voice

I'll be right beside you dear

Right now David is taking a walk. He told me not to worry. But I guess I love him too much, because it's a really hard thing to do. If it was up to me I'd be right beside him at all times. But I've made that mistake before, and I learn from my mistakes. I just really like him, okay? Am I allowed to really like someone?

Louder, Louder

And we'll run for our lives

I can hardly speak I understand

Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes

Makes it so hard not to cry

And as we say our long goodbyes

I nearly do

I don't know. But somehow I don't really mind appreciating my boyfriend so much that he's all I ever think about. But in this world I'm not really allowed to. We're so afraid of this love. The love where everything just.. Stops. The love where every good bye I fear is going to be the last.

Every time I say good bye I fear it's the last time I will ever see him. It's because of what he's done earlier in his life. And every breath he takes I'm grateful for.

I guess I really appreciate him.

Light up, light up

As if you have a choice

Even if you can not hear my voice

I'll be right beside you dear

Snow Patrol - Run

Attention Whore

Flippin attention whore.

Dancing Feet

I don't really have a topic for this post. I'm just amazingly happy.

Guess who? I'll give you a hint: He is amazingly tired so I have to hop around without a sound. But I'm the daughter of a Devil so it's impossible to not act like paparazzi and take bad pictures of good people.

We baked Chocolate Chip Cookies yesterday. I forgot how good the dough is. It's better than the actual cookies, really. Although, those were some goshdarnit good tasting cookies. We also made some chocolate pudding to go with the main course of Samuel L. Mothafuckin Jackson, but when we got upstairs we lay down on the bed and fell asleep just appreciating each other.

happy happy happy

But today I'm doing something completely different! Or, I'm probably going to be very happy and appreciate it alot. But I'm not going to fall asleep doing it!

My dear friend Allan is on air today. 1PM-3PM Swedish time. You figure out what time that is.

Hint: Sweden is GMT+1

Anyway, tune in via the internet, why dontcha. http://www.wrir.org

Another good link: http://camelsback23.blogspot.com <- Allan, mah homie yah.

Don't worry, be happy

This Love

EEK, second post.

I've been thinking about what my blog is going to be about. I chose the name "Put Back the Stars" while listening to Blindside's song with the same name. (what a coincidence)

It's about being lost. And I think my whole life has been about not knowing where to go, or always changing the roads I've chosen. Like, taking a road and after about an hour you realize it was the next exit to the right after the Burger King.

I wake up some days regrettingwhat I have become. Because during my depression I had to make a choice: who now? You see, my depression was about hating the person I was. So I couldn't go back to being happy. And I sure as heck couldn't go on being depressed because it was depressing the crap out of me.

So I actually chose who to be. It was like writing a character for a book. I decided which qualities were going to define me: social, happy, extreme and fair.

And it worked pretty darn good for a while.

But as mentioned earlier I go down the wrong roads. I would wake up hating my guts for being what I had become. I imagined I was an embarrassment. Someone who was too extreme, too happy and too much in peoples' faces.

I'd just lie down in my bed crying because I couldn't even do a simple thing: know who I am.

So coming back to the beginning of this post: what this blog is going to be about.

I really don't know. I don't know who I am or where I'm going. I guess I'm going to write some political stuff, some random weird stuff and some ego-stuff. Like my former blog; Swede Gone Bad. But just really messed/mixed up.

But another thing that it's going to involve is love. Because I still believe in love. I believe in the power of love and that in every relationship we have a choice to base it on love or fear.

Well, I found love. His name is David.

photo: trashcatffs.bilddagboken.se

It's just amazing. When I'm with him, I can see the road ahead. Because I can see myself in him. His eyes remind me of the pain I went thru, the feeling of working at becoming a new person.

It's amazing, because all the clichés you hear and hate in the cheesy love songs become true. He's my second half, he's my source of joy, he has the key to my heart. And I won't let anything get in between us.

Right now I'm as happy as I can be, considering the circumstances. I mean, even if my medicine has ceased to work and my life is a mess I have somewhere to call my home. David.

"Where do you live?"

"Where ever he is."