This Love

EEK, second post.

I've been thinking about what my blog is going to be about. I chose the name "Put Back the Stars" while listening to Blindside's song with the same name. (what a coincidence)

It's about being lost. And I think my whole life has been about not knowing where to go, or always changing the roads I've chosen. Like, taking a road and after about an hour you realize it was the next exit to the right after the Burger King.

I wake up some days regrettingwhat I have become. Because during my depression I had to make a choice: who now? You see, my depression was about hating the person I was. So I couldn't go back to being happy. And I sure as heck couldn't go on being depressed because it was depressing the crap out of me.

So I actually chose who to be. It was like writing a character for a book. I decided which qualities were going to define me: social, happy, extreme and fair.

And it worked pretty darn good for a while.

But as mentioned earlier I go down the wrong roads. I would wake up hating my guts for being what I had become. I imagined I was an embarrassment. Someone who was too extreme, too happy and too much in peoples' faces.

I'd just lie down in my bed crying because I couldn't even do a simple thing: know who I am.

So coming back to the beginning of this post: what this blog is going to be about.

I really don't know. I don't know who I am or where I'm going. I guess I'm going to write some political stuff, some random weird stuff and some ego-stuff. Like my former blog; Swede Gone Bad. But just really messed/mixed up.

But another thing that it's going to involve is love. Because I still believe in love. I believe in the power of love and that in every relationship we have a choice to base it on love or fear.

Well, I found love. His name is David.

photo: trashcatffs.bilddagboken.se

It's just amazing. When I'm with him, I can see the road ahead. Because I can see myself in him. His eyes remind me of the pain I went thru, the feeling of working at becoming a new person.

It's amazing, because all the clichés you hear and hate in the cheesy love songs become true. He's my second half, he's my source of joy, he has the key to my heart. And I won't let anything get in between us.

Right now I'm as happy as I can be, considering the circumstances. I mean, even if my medicine has ceased to work and my life is a mess I have somewhere to call my home. David.

"Where do you live?"

"Where ever he is."